She looked in the full-length mirror in her hallway. She had carefully put together the pieces of her outfit for today and in her minds eye it looked awesome. Right up until she looked in the mirror. Somehow the clothing faded to the background and flaws were glaring back at her. So much so that it was painful to look at herself any longer.

‘What happened?’, she cried in her spirit. “Why do I have such a hard time with this?”

She calmed herself and truly began to look inside. Back to elementary school first. Being the first in her class to develop was a cruel reality. Teased by the boys and taunted by the girls. As if developing breasts and hips made her “loose”. She wished she could hide all of it, just bury it all away. Just be normal like the other girls. But she wasn’t. And those rumors followed her to middle school. She had to learn to fight because the boys would always try to touch her. God forbid some popular girl’s boyfriend try to corner her… She would always be the one to take the blame. And thus the love-hate relationship with her body began.

She was almost comforted when she gained weight after becoming a mother. It rendered her invisible to those who would chase her down simply because of her figure. But then a new breed of jerk surfaced. The guy who thought he was doing her a favor by liking her.

“Because, you know, a big girl should feel honored to have attention. Well you know girl, you got some slammin boobs and thick thighs… but you ain’t all that in the face.”

Really?

She rolled her eyes and chuckled to herself. She was blessed now to be beyond the scum at the bottom of the dating pool. But even though new skin had long since grown in place, the scars were still there under the surface.

As much as she tried to dress it up, her soul was still raw and exposed. And so she avoided the mirror because  it was like picking the wound all over again.